Artist portrait of Sally
Sally Jacobson is a 59 year old administrative assistant with knee pain since that late 1980’s. She says that she tuned to physical therapy because the local orthopedic surgeon said that he “wouldn’t do a total knee replacement on a person with no willingness to get better.” Thankfully, this surgeon recommended therapy and told her that the physical therapist would use ultrasound to “cure her knee pain.” Or at least that’s what she remembers him saying.
Tara, the physical therapist who drew the short straw states, “While I can’t comment on any of my clients for privacy reasons, some people are determined to be their own worst enemy.” Tara reports that many clients come to ACME thinking that they shouldn’t have to do any exercises. She states that these people are “the worst clients ever.”
Steven Jacobs, a local car mechanic, says that his back pain has been a “source of irritation” in his life. He says he can’t think of exactly when it started, but his ex-girlfriend has other ideas. “Steve used to be a fun, laid back guy. But then he started listening to Nickelback and got all dooshy.” She stated, “He started wearing designer jeans with sparkles and would pop his collar like some sleezy salesman. Now he’s just a pain in the ass, maybe that’s why his back hurts.”
Steven’s physical therapist was asked for comment, only to say that privacy law prevents him from discussing his clients, but did state, “Some people have bigger problems than their back pain.”
Jim always hated going home for the holidays, but now that he’s a physical therapist things are much worse. Uncles, aunts, and every damn cousin ever is asking for a massage. Jim is sick of it. And he wants you all to go to hell. He doesn’t ask his accountant uncle to balance his checkbook, and he isn’t going to touch your dirty ass feet. So don’t ask.
Are you getting ready to have back surgery? Have you tried physical therapy yet? If not, what in the bloody hell are you thinking? You’ll sign up for a $100,000 spinal surgery, with no guarantees for long term pain relief, without seeing if maybe – MAYBE – you can avoid the surgery in the process? Would you tear down your house and build a new one if you needed a little work on the floors?
If that’s how you (pun alert!) operate, than I have some land in Florida to sell you.
I had to include this image because for some reason it made me laugh so hard I cried. Tears of awesomeness, of course.